The expanse of time between my last post and this one is perhaps indicative of the overwhelming mental struggle I have endured to get to this point. Blogging, AHH! It’s absolutely terrifying. Not to mention ghastly,diminutive, and a frightful abhorrence to ones dignity. I am aware of the fact that there is a degree of contradiction in the fact that I am venting my vehement detestation of this form within the form itself. But, I have to it’s an assessment requirement, I am allowed to be petulant,So there! That said,on reflection, I feel my violent disgust is perhaps more appropriately directed towards the horrific amount of abominable content currently populating the blogosphere. It would seem that on mass we humans are afflicted by a dire lack of taste. I am sorry, I detest this. I might tell you what I had for breakfast. But, I sure as hell won’t be sobbing into my cornflakes.
Additionally, as mentioned it has taken significant mental rigour for me to arrive at a position where I feel comfortable ( Mildly comfortable …) including blogging as part of my creative process. From an aesthetic perspective I am much more inclined to foster an enigmatic identity and thus the idea of making my practice transparent conflicts with my sensibility to some extent. Although, I have come to realise that such conceits may be communicated through stylistic features such as voice. Also,I am realising that as with any form,a web platform is merely a tool and does not necessarily have to be used in any pre-defined manner.
On a deeper level my concerns with the practice of blogging has highlighted some prevailing presumptions and assumptions prevalent in my process. Most of these centre around the area of reflective writing. I naturally engage in a heavily reflective style of practice but when it came to distilling such reflection into a piece of writing I felt deeply uncomfortable with this idea. My anxieties stem from the fact that I find reflective practice to be integral to my way of thinking // being and feel that in the process of writing something of the immediate,integral nature of reflection is lost. On examining this further I realised that perhaps this anxiety to preserve the integrity and immediacy of process was in fact linked to my personal assumptions around the idea of writing. The following quote challenged me to broaden my perspective on writing :
“Writing is not a ‘post-thinking’ activity. We don’t think then write. When we write, as when we talk, it is then that we discover and create what we think. We need time and space to wonder aloud on paper, to pursue the thoughts we have not yet found, to wait and pry open that elusive phrase worth more than a 1000 slides. #SimplyWisdom ” ( Strom, 2014 )
Since discovering this insight on Facebook, I have challenged my self to give my self permission to explore writing as a sketching or drawing tool. I realised that I have a deep rooted concept that reflective writing exists only to communicate ones thoughts to ‘the other’. This for me inherently also embodies the assumption that all reflective writing needs to be well resolved and cannot allow room for pondering’s and varied or contradictory thought processes. Essentially I was viewing writing as rather divorced from process and as an activity reserved for a post- thinking space. I am scared to share my process through the medium of language as I am aware the final result could appear in consistent. In reality I think I will benefit from communicating my process through engaging with writing both as medium a and as an element of reflective practice. Interestingly, as I have been writing this I have had to persuade my self a number of times to view it as an in-process document and have had to resist the urge to utilise this activity to make connections with wider conceptual themes and replace my more verbatim reflections with broad general statements that reference universal themes rather than my own personal practice. While my ability to make conceptual connections is useful, it does not serve me well to utilise this gift as a defensive mechanism or to entirely fail to communicate the basic thought process // explorative journey behind the conceptual connections I am making. Finally,I also enjoy the way the above quote and other readings I have found, mention “Writing as you speak” I really enjoy using conversation as a reflective process and it is a seamless and intuitive part of my process. I am interested to see if I can engage with writing to the extent that it also becomes a integral part of my practice. I feel the style/technique of verbatim may be a useful tool in achieving this. In order to empower myself to gain confidence with reflective practice/writing I am considering viewing this journal blog as a documentary space in which I can experiment with writing and document my process , I will then use my additional blog to present formalised pieces of work. This architecture of content will empower me to document and communicate my practice in a way that satisfies university requirements, challenges my personal concept of writing as a medium and allows me to experiment with the format of my online identity.
Enough navel gazing for now.
(Strom,M) [ Dr. Mark Strom ] ( 26.04.14) Writing is not a ‘post-thinking’ activity. We don’t think then write. When we write, as when we talk, it is then that we discover and create what we think. We need time and space to wonder aloud on paper, …[Facebook Timeline Photo Caption] Retrieved from; on.fb.me/1iHuexN